(Aside: As I write this at 10pm on a Saturday night, the mouth watering aroma of my neighbor's barbecue (here called 'asado') is wafting up to my open door and tempting me to eat a second dinner of free range Argentine beef).
By now, if you've kept up with this blog, you've followed an often exhausting account of the differences between Argentina and the United States. In a class I took on my way to earning my TESOL (Teaching English as a Second Language) certification I learned that one of the stages you encounter after moving to a new country is culture shock. First, you experience a euphoric stage where everything is new and exciting, fresh and fun. This is followed by more harsh realities, or frustration with a culture that is much different from that which you came. Friends, I am stuck in a morass of culture shock.
After culture shock, you are supposed to enter a stage in which you begin to accept the new culture and become comfortable with it, to internalize it. The problem is, I'm findingit difficult to give up my grip on what I've come from. I can't accept that things are better done here. Lastly, I don't want to change my idea of the way things ought to be.
The problem is that if I don't move into the next stage, I will be stuck in culture shock and will therefore be frustrated for the rest of my trip. It would be much better if I viewed Argentina as a challenge or a game with rules in which I should engage. At the moment, I am chafing against it, like a rusty knife trying to slice a ripe tomato, I'm making a mess of many of my interpersonal interactions.
Take for example a recent experience.....(I'll start with background) In the Miami International Airport before my trip I made out a list of goals I wanted to accomplish or things I wanted to do in Buenos Aires. The list basically included all the things I wasn't doing in Columbus and reflection-based activities important to considering my next step(s) in life. I also wanted to find ways to relax and stay in shape.
Last week, I took the opportunity to revisit my goals and to my surprise, I found that I am actually pursuing most of the goals I had set for myself. The only goals I had not begun to address were those related to staying in shape, yoga, and swimming. For this reason and because I have been seeking out a place of peace and tranquility in the city (as well as somewhere air conditioned in the summer), I decided to splurge on a 6 month pass to one of the best and most pretentious gyms in the city, MEGATLON.
I visited Megatlon once and was attracted to the clean smell and feel, the 4 floors of activities, the uncrowded pool, and all the classes that were offered as part of the pass. After a week or so of pondering the idea and struggling over the high cost, I decided to go for it (after both making a list of pros and cons as well as reassessing my goals for this trip. I know, I am cheap:)
On the 20 or so minute walk to the gym, I equivocated even more about my decision. What else could I do with this money to enrich my life? Would anything else make me as happy? Should I be saving the money instead? Could I take a vacation worthy of saving the cash? Will I need it in the lean months when I'm not working? If I don't get the membership, will I wind up paying the same amount of money after coming down with some type of medical ailment as a result of allowing myself to get out of shape combined with eating my weight in steak every week? Welcome to my mental world.
After arriving at Megatlon and being pacified by the very kind and attractive attendent, I wound up very happily handing my money over. The smell of the chlorine reminded me of the Bay Village pool (My first memory of a summer pool in a Northern Ohio suburb), breaking my teeth on Now and Later candies, and jumping off the high dive for the first time. How could I not get the pass?
But soon after handing over the cash, the problems began. There were more fees and I hadn't brought enough money to cover them. There was a separate fee to have a card made for me. And I needed to get a checkup from a physician that ran about 12 dollars and would include a heart scan of some sort. Another issue was that the physician wasn't there and would only be in on Monday and Tuesday. However, I was told that I could use my pass until Monday by presenting my receipt in the meantime.
Before leaving, I looked over the receipt and asked the attendant to be sure that I was in the computer. I have learned in Argentina that you need to check everything twice, that folks here have a culture of (I'm not going to sugarcoat it) stealing from other people. It's called viveza criolla. Many people here think that if they can steal or rob people in an intelligent or clever way, they deserve or have earned the money that they've stolen. That is, they feel that if they can get away with it, it proves that they are more intelligent than the person from whom they stole and are therefore deserving of the money. This may explain why almost every foreigner I know who has come to AR has had something stolen, including myself (2 MP3 players and a memory card for a digital camera). It explains why my Argentine friend Erica recently had to called a second plumber to fix her water heater since the first one didn't fix it but instead stripped it of its expensive parts and replaced them with cheap ones. It explains why everyday tourists in the center of the city are the victims of elaborate and clever scams that typically result in pickpockets and long days waiting in the US embassy for new passports.
Anyhow, I was concerned that all the money I had handed over would be stolen, that my information wasn't in the computer, that my receipt would serve no purpose, that because I didn't have a card yet, there would be no record of my having paid. Would this thought ever have crossed my mind in the States? No. Unfortunately, however, thoughts like this now cross my mind every day and have turned me at times into the sort of pessimist I never wanted to become. On one hand, I know for certain living in Buenos Aires has made me more street smart, less trusting, more grounded. But this all comes at a price. There is something beautiful and light about being innocent. It's liberating and it allows you to live and risk and trust. When you live in a giant city with regrettable cultural undercurrents, you change to protect yourself.
But as usual, I digress....Luckily, when I returned later that night to use my receipt, it was accepted and I spent a blissful hour before dinner finding my freestyle stroke again after almost a year out of the pool. I took time to glide underwater slowly and to enjoy relative weightlessness. I was so happy that I had purchased the membership and looked forward to more days of aleviating the stress of this teeth grinding city.
The following day, emboldened by the previous afternoon of bliss in the pool, I returned early in the morning before breakfast. I was looking forward to starting the day off with an invigorating 30 or so minutes of lap swimming in the pool followed by a shower. The problems started at the front desk.
There was a new cadre of employees standing behind the desks in the morning. I flashed my receipt as before, but this time it didn't work. The woman scanning passes looked quickly and then said 'No'! Argentine women tend to be very direct. To people from the states, they seem very impolite, but to people in AR, it is normal. I still am not used to it, especially early in the morning so immediately, I was taken aback and frustrated. In defense, I rolled my eyes and laughed. This is how I respond to most of my frustration in Argentina. I know it's not a smart response at all, but it's better than getting angry.
I knew that there was going to be some type of problem with the pass that I'd just bought, that somehow it wouldn't be so easy. Trying to accomplish nearly anything in AR winds up being difficult in one way or another (at least for me in comparison to the States). It would be too easy to simply buy a gym pass and then expect to be able to use it in peace, especially after having paid a ton of money for it. In the states, if you pay a great deal of money for a gym pass, you expect to be treated very well as the client of an exclusive health club. In Argentina, however, it is not a culture of customer service, no matter how much you pay. I should have understood this before buying the pass. That is, employees in AR will always consider themselves in a position to argue with you. The idea that the customer is always right or that you ought to treat the customer well doesn't really exist. Instead, a culture of arcane and beauracratic rules dominate the work ethic of most employees. They pay attention to exactly what they're told to do by their bosses and little to no sense of customer service skills are instilled.
When I laughed in acknowledgement to myself that my theory about AR was again unfortunately proven correct, I could tell it automatically made the Megatlon attendant angry and defensive. My laugh to her meant, 'this is so stupid, you are so stupid, Argentina is so stupid'. Argentines deplore criticism of their country by foreigners, especially people from the states. They know we are frustrated by their rules and beuacracy. I suppose I wasn't really laughing at this women, I was just laughing because I knew that my whole idea of having a gym membership that would allow me tranquility and comfort in a big dirty city would not be as easy as I had hoped, despite all the money I had spent, despite all the money in the world. There would always be someone to mess with me, to make it more difficult than it had to be.
The point is that my laughing made her want to oppose me more, to find a reason then to keep me out of the gym. As a general rule, Argentines are contrarians. That is, they say the opposite of what you say as a dynamic of discussion. Also, they tend to like to argue and seem to thrive on conflict, like Italians I suppose. I on the other hand dislike conflict. I can do it, but it stresses me out.
So the Megatlon attendant and I were at an impass. I handed her the receipt and said, LOOK! I paid a ton of money yesterday to get a 6 month membership here. What do you mean I can't use the gym pass? She said in response...But you didn't pay, then she shook her index finger at me(an Argentine gesture that I dislike with a passion) No!
I said again, Look at the receipt, I did pay.
She turned the receipt over and saw that I had paid and then shook her head again and said, but you don't have a card.
I shot back, I can't get my card until the doctor checks me out and he is not here until Monday so I was told that could use this receipt in the meantime.
She said, No! You haven't paid for your card or the doctor.
I returned, but I can't get the card until I see the doctor and I know better than to pay for something before I receive it so I am waiting to pay for the card and the doctor on the day and at the time that I receive the service.
She frowned and after another helpful Argentine behind me agreed with me, she finally relented (after telling the helpful Argentine to go in before me. She was upset that he was helping my case and wanted him out of there. It often happens that other Argentines will get involved in arguments even if they don't have to. Like I said, they seem to like it. Luckily, other Argentines often come to my rescue to help me get through these types of incidents. There are some great folks here and some really regrettable ones, which is true everywhere but here they are more polar opposites).
After this stressful exchange early in the morning, I spent 30 minutes in the pool trying to work out the anger it caused me. On the way out of the gym, I said thank you as sincerely as I could to the attendant, hoping to change her attitude about me, but knowing by her cold response that our relationship would never be good, despite my best efforts.
And on the way home from the gym, I still couldn't shake the stress and anger. Not just from this incident, but from the cumulative effect of the stress of the city and the fact that things like this happen almost every day in Buenos Aires. It is no doubt culture shock and I am fighting for control, for my idea of the way things should be. But I can't control it or anything here and it drives me crazy and so I am always a full vessel and the cultural challenges I face every day bubble me over.
When your attitude is bad or you are in a bad mood, you are more likely to spiral down, to encounter other roadblocks, to respond worse to other challenges. It is like I'm an ice skater in the olympics and I've fallen after a relatively easy jump and then I've allowed my disappointment and frustration to infect the rest of my routine and now I'm falling and flailing on every big jump, making a mess of the ice.
In the end, I know it's not Argentina's fault. I chose to come here. I can't expect this place to make sense to me, to yield to my will, my need for control. I have to instead accept it, know that I cannot change it, and find a way to play the game and succeed. I need to change my attitude to see it all as a challenge, a learning experience, an exercise in adaptability.
A lot of things here may not make sense, but then again, a lot of things in life don't make sense. But we still have to play the game, to abide by the rules, to jump through the hoops. I guess I'd just gotten so good at the game I had learned to play in the states. Then I traveled to a new place and all the rules changed and I now I stink at life and it's depressing:)
But just as in Ice skating, I think the judges pull for the underdog. That is, if you fall early and then are able to overcome your lack of confidence and pull out some amazing jumps and have a flawless routine after that, you wind up scoring big points. Or, if you're Tiger Woods and you go 5 over par after the first round of the Masters, you can still come back, with the right attitude and without allowing what happened before to infect the rest of your game. Just as in sports or other games, it is mental energy and endurance that will allow me to survive and thrive in this experience. And if there is any silver lining in the constant culture shock that I'm facing here, it is that I am increasing my ability to be patient, adaptable, and that I am learning sustained mental endurance, new rules, and to succeed in a super-extended game. I imagine many great projects in life require this type of endurance: marriage, raising a family, running a political campaign, starting a business etc.
For now anyway, I'm beginning to understand that I can't go to bed tonight and put the chess board in the box and forget about it. The pieces will always be waiting for me in the morning, right where I left them, waiting for my next move.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Update
As the U.S. moves into fall, Argentina is fighting to give up the mild but dreary winter. Some mornings are sunny and warm, but by the end of the same day it's windy and or rainy as a front overtakes the city and ushers in a string of dark 50 or 60 degree days. Having replaced two U.S. summers with mild Argentine winters, I've begun to realize that this lifestyle (Spending U.S. summers in South America) is untenable, at least for me and at least for more than 1 year straight. Sun is important. Heat is important.
Aside from weather, my life has changed in other ways. As much as I tried to branch out into other types of work, I have been pulled back magnet-like to my profession. For whatever reason, tourism is not what it used to be here and as a result, I have had little business giving tours or writing for the tourism website. This has upset me since I spent so much time studying and practicing for this position. Granted, I learned a ton about Argentina in the process, but I'm not convinced that the time couldn't have been better spent. I feel as though the company that I signed on with was has been disorganized, overdemanding, and dishonest. Granted, there are factors like the recent economic crisis that I'm sure they didn't bank on. In any case, they overestimated the amount of work they'd have and as a result, I have more or less lost the vast number of hours I invested in them..
I've replaced the tourism job with two new small jobs. I was referred by the mother of the family from San Francisco to another family from the states who owns a luxury trip planning company in BA. They have two trilingual children who attend school in French and Spanish, but not in English. So, the parents employee me to increase the reading level of the older of the two children, both in fluency and comprehension. They also want to improve his writing skills, especially spelling as his current English spellings are a comic combination of Spanish and French. Right now, I'm starting with direct intervention through the repeated reading technique with curriculum-based assessments (Back to school psychology). The job is a no brainer, something I've been doing daily for the past 4 years. And the 7-year-old I work with seems like a really good kid. The added benefit is that the apartment in which I teach is absolutely beautiful, on the 17th floor of a building in Belgrano that looks out over the city as well as the Rio De La Plata. The view is truly amazing and as I administer the reading probes, I have plenty of time to steal long gazes from a vantage to which only the very fortunate are privvy.
I stumbled upon another job in the last week. There is a bit more of a story to this one...In BA, everyone has heavy wooden curtains over their windows to shield from noise and light and some think wrongly that they also protect against burglary. In any case, both sets of mine broke on the same day that I bought spice plants for my balcony, a beautiful sunny 80 degree day. As a result, I couldn't get out to my balcony to repot my plants and my apartment was rendered completely dark. As is the case in BA, I called 3 different guys before one of them decided that he wanted some money and came to my apartment to give me an estimate to fix the curtains. I had planned on getting multiple estimates but when a week had passed and the other 2 handymen had not called me back nor come to my apartment as they said they would, I decided that I'd lived in the dark long enough. I called back the one guy who gave me the estimate and agreed to pay the quote he'd provided. In the process of fixing the curtains, we got to talking about a number of subjects including his interest in learning English. He kept returning to this subject so finally I told him that I'd teach him. I told him to think it over, gave him my card, and told him to call me if he decided he was interested. A few days later, he did call me and we set up 3 hours of classes/week.
So now, my work schedule consists of teaching English at Hewlett Packard, teaching the guy who fixed my curtains, teaching multiple subjects to 2 kids from San Francisco, and teaching reading and writing skills to a trilingual 7-year-old. I'm happy with my work routine and all this direct instruction is no doubt good experience for my career. I continue to teach English in exchange for yoga lessons so now at least two of my students are beginners and I am getting more intensive ELL teaching experience.
For whatever reason, be it fate or lack of effort, I have not succeeded in branching out in terms of different career experiences. I think, however, that I enjoy the independence of teaching, the hours, the meaning and genuine contact with people. I suppose I've decided to some extent that I'm disposed to the education profession in this form and that it suits me much better than sitting in an office all day.
One of the ideas I wanted to explore through my experience in BA this year was whether I wanted to work in the education profession for the rest of my life. I'm still not sure I do. However, I'm more convinced than I was last year that I am at least well disposed to this profession and that it is comfortable and meaningful to me.
I've been talking with folks here too about how meaningful my general experience in BA has been to me thus far. I maintain that I've learned more here in the past 4 months than I learned in Columbus in the last 3 years. I feel as though I'm in kind of a spiritual orbit of my life, a parallel universe in which I'm looking in at my life from the outside, reflecting and sorting out. It's like when a computer runs for months and then all of a sudden tells you that it has to do a scan to check for errors in the system and then it asks you if it's ok to correct those errors. I think right now I'm in the midst of a semi long-term computer scan.
At the moment, I feel a great urge to jump back into my life as a school psychologist in the states, to be near my family, to go to fall football games, to drink apple cider, to carve a pumpkin, to buy halloween candy, and to spend quality time with my niece and nephews. And I'll get my wish in about two weeks when I visit the states for a week and a half. However, I know that I need more time in Argentina, that there is still much more to learn about myself, that I still have a lot of growing to do.
Some of the things I've learned thus far may seem simple and obvious but require an experience like this to truly internalize. I've realized that my family is a good and close one and that if you're lucky enough to have a good family, you should make an effort to be close to them and value them. That said, I'd like to be in the states next year somewhere in proximity to my family. And I have a dream now of buying a small cottage or house on Lake Erie in Conneaut, the long time hometown of my mother and grandparents. It's a quiet town that lost its industry and has since been forgotten by the world. But its stretch of beach and parklands is beautiful in the summer and has a great rootbeer float stand adjacent to the beech. My family needs a place to meet and spend quality time together in the summer. We have no summer house like many families and once my 95 year old grandfather dies, we will have lost our connection to this town that holds so much meaning to all of us. So the dream is to save up and buy a summer house here that all the family can use in return for some type of improvement, some type of investment like retiling the bathroom or buying a piece or two of used furniture. I'd like to have a grill, picnic tables, beach toys, a sailboat, and a closets full of games and toys for kids. As cheesy and domestic as this all sounds, it's a revelation that I've had while in BA that family and my emotional connection to them is one of the most important things in my life. As such, I should do something to honor them and enrich all of our lives. This sort of plan is even more important in light of the fact that we are now scattered all over the world and need a place for everyone to come back to in the summers.
I've also learned that the big city is a place to which I don't connect well. Buenos Aires is great when you are in love, but it transforms into an entirely different reality when you're not. In love, the city is charming, aesthetically pleasing, has great affordable restaurants and bars, and fantastic nightlife to indulge in romance. Out of love, Buenos Aires becomes extremely stressful. The thought of walking out into the street requires mental preparation. Every trip during the week is a battle against hordes of people to get to a destination on time. The subways and busses are crowded and hot, the pollution is lung blackening, the noise is repressive, the people are on-edge, the drivers are literally crazy, and the ethical standards of the people are often deplorable (whether because of culture or relative poverty).
Of course, there are a lot of great things about the city and the specific people I've met and with whom I've chosen to make friends. However, I've realized that instead of big city, I'd rather live in a more natural place with mountains, fresh air, lakes, proximity to the ocean, rivers, forests, hiking, big sky, wildlife. Some of my best memories were living out in Oregon and spending my days hiking up different mountains in Smith Rock State Park and writing journal entries.
The city has been and will continue to be an important developmental and learning experience for me. However, it is not where I would like to end up. I need more nature and peace and outlets for hiking, biking, and clean exercise.
Another thing I've learned is that you can't run from your problems. You just can't move to the other side of the planet and expect things to magically improve. Often times, the issues are instead intensified because all of a sudden you not only have a clearer vision of your life, but you also become very stressed and have almost no support to deal with your issues. Moving away to run from your problems actually becomes a way of forcing you to confront your issues in a very extreme and stressful way. Whatever issues you have in your life seem to become much clearer when you are stressed out and alone. For that reason, this trip has been exactly what I needed at this point in my life. My last year in Columbus I felt listless, spiritually muddled, confused about my next step or direction, confused about my priorities, confused about my meaning. I have not answered all of these questions or resolved all these conflicts, but after the stress and loneliness of the big city, I have certainly conftonted these issues and am well on my way to coming to sensible conclusions.
So while I feel the draw to come back to the states to smell the soggy leafy fall air and to hear the sounds of the football games on Friday nights and to taste the first apple and pumpkin pies of the season, I know I need to be in Argentina longer to learn more, to be sure that the decisions I make for next year are objective, what I really need instead of being clouded by past issues or confused motivations. The most important thing for me to learn about here is what is important to me, what are my priorities, what do I need to be happy or content. Once I learn more about myself, I can make deliberate decisions to complement my true needs. Without this understanding, I will continue to find myself making decisions whose outcomes don't fulfill my life. With a better understanding, I hope to move towards a sense of inner peace and contentedness that will allow me to settle contedly into my 30s.
Aside from weather, my life has changed in other ways. As much as I tried to branch out into other types of work, I have been pulled back magnet-like to my profession. For whatever reason, tourism is not what it used to be here and as a result, I have had little business giving tours or writing for the tourism website. This has upset me since I spent so much time studying and practicing for this position. Granted, I learned a ton about Argentina in the process, but I'm not convinced that the time couldn't have been better spent. I feel as though the company that I signed on with was has been disorganized, overdemanding, and dishonest. Granted, there are factors like the recent economic crisis that I'm sure they didn't bank on. In any case, they overestimated the amount of work they'd have and as a result, I have more or less lost the vast number of hours I invested in them..
I've replaced the tourism job with two new small jobs. I was referred by the mother of the family from San Francisco to another family from the states who owns a luxury trip planning company in BA. They have two trilingual children who attend school in French and Spanish, but not in English. So, the parents employee me to increase the reading level of the older of the two children, both in fluency and comprehension. They also want to improve his writing skills, especially spelling as his current English spellings are a comic combination of Spanish and French. Right now, I'm starting with direct intervention through the repeated reading technique with curriculum-based assessments (Back to school psychology). The job is a no brainer, something I've been doing daily for the past 4 years. And the 7-year-old I work with seems like a really good kid. The added benefit is that the apartment in which I teach is absolutely beautiful, on the 17th floor of a building in Belgrano that looks out over the city as well as the Rio De La Plata. The view is truly amazing and as I administer the reading probes, I have plenty of time to steal long gazes from a vantage to which only the very fortunate are privvy.
I stumbled upon another job in the last week. There is a bit more of a story to this one...In BA, everyone has heavy wooden curtains over their windows to shield from noise and light and some think wrongly that they also protect against burglary. In any case, both sets of mine broke on the same day that I bought spice plants for my balcony, a beautiful sunny 80 degree day. As a result, I couldn't get out to my balcony to repot my plants and my apartment was rendered completely dark. As is the case in BA, I called 3 different guys before one of them decided that he wanted some money and came to my apartment to give me an estimate to fix the curtains. I had planned on getting multiple estimates but when a week had passed and the other 2 handymen had not called me back nor come to my apartment as they said they would, I decided that I'd lived in the dark long enough. I called back the one guy who gave me the estimate and agreed to pay the quote he'd provided. In the process of fixing the curtains, we got to talking about a number of subjects including his interest in learning English. He kept returning to this subject so finally I told him that I'd teach him. I told him to think it over, gave him my card, and told him to call me if he decided he was interested. A few days later, he did call me and we set up 3 hours of classes/week.
So now, my work schedule consists of teaching English at Hewlett Packard, teaching the guy who fixed my curtains, teaching multiple subjects to 2 kids from San Francisco, and teaching reading and writing skills to a trilingual 7-year-old. I'm happy with my work routine and all this direct instruction is no doubt good experience for my career. I continue to teach English in exchange for yoga lessons so now at least two of my students are beginners and I am getting more intensive ELL teaching experience.
For whatever reason, be it fate or lack of effort, I have not succeeded in branching out in terms of different career experiences. I think, however, that I enjoy the independence of teaching, the hours, the meaning and genuine contact with people. I suppose I've decided to some extent that I'm disposed to the education profession in this form and that it suits me much better than sitting in an office all day.
One of the ideas I wanted to explore through my experience in BA this year was whether I wanted to work in the education profession for the rest of my life. I'm still not sure I do. However, I'm more convinced than I was last year that I am at least well disposed to this profession and that it is comfortable and meaningful to me.
I've been talking with folks here too about how meaningful my general experience in BA has been to me thus far. I maintain that I've learned more here in the past 4 months than I learned in Columbus in the last 3 years. I feel as though I'm in kind of a spiritual orbit of my life, a parallel universe in which I'm looking in at my life from the outside, reflecting and sorting out. It's like when a computer runs for months and then all of a sudden tells you that it has to do a scan to check for errors in the system and then it asks you if it's ok to correct those errors. I think right now I'm in the midst of a semi long-term computer scan.
At the moment, I feel a great urge to jump back into my life as a school psychologist in the states, to be near my family, to go to fall football games, to drink apple cider, to carve a pumpkin, to buy halloween candy, and to spend quality time with my niece and nephews. And I'll get my wish in about two weeks when I visit the states for a week and a half. However, I know that I need more time in Argentina, that there is still much more to learn about myself, that I still have a lot of growing to do.
Some of the things I've learned thus far may seem simple and obvious but require an experience like this to truly internalize. I've realized that my family is a good and close one and that if you're lucky enough to have a good family, you should make an effort to be close to them and value them. That said, I'd like to be in the states next year somewhere in proximity to my family. And I have a dream now of buying a small cottage or house on Lake Erie in Conneaut, the long time hometown of my mother and grandparents. It's a quiet town that lost its industry and has since been forgotten by the world. But its stretch of beach and parklands is beautiful in the summer and has a great rootbeer float stand adjacent to the beech. My family needs a place to meet and spend quality time together in the summer. We have no summer house like many families and once my 95 year old grandfather dies, we will have lost our connection to this town that holds so much meaning to all of us. So the dream is to save up and buy a summer house here that all the family can use in return for some type of improvement, some type of investment like retiling the bathroom or buying a piece or two of used furniture. I'd like to have a grill, picnic tables, beach toys, a sailboat, and a closets full of games and toys for kids. As cheesy and domestic as this all sounds, it's a revelation that I've had while in BA that family and my emotional connection to them is one of the most important things in my life. As such, I should do something to honor them and enrich all of our lives. This sort of plan is even more important in light of the fact that we are now scattered all over the world and need a place for everyone to come back to in the summers.
I've also learned that the big city is a place to which I don't connect well. Buenos Aires is great when you are in love, but it transforms into an entirely different reality when you're not. In love, the city is charming, aesthetically pleasing, has great affordable restaurants and bars, and fantastic nightlife to indulge in romance. Out of love, Buenos Aires becomes extremely stressful. The thought of walking out into the street requires mental preparation. Every trip during the week is a battle against hordes of people to get to a destination on time. The subways and busses are crowded and hot, the pollution is lung blackening, the noise is repressive, the people are on-edge, the drivers are literally crazy, and the ethical standards of the people are often deplorable (whether because of culture or relative poverty).
Of course, there are a lot of great things about the city and the specific people I've met and with whom I've chosen to make friends. However, I've realized that instead of big city, I'd rather live in a more natural place with mountains, fresh air, lakes, proximity to the ocean, rivers, forests, hiking, big sky, wildlife. Some of my best memories were living out in Oregon and spending my days hiking up different mountains in Smith Rock State Park and writing journal entries.
The city has been and will continue to be an important developmental and learning experience for me. However, it is not where I would like to end up. I need more nature and peace and outlets for hiking, biking, and clean exercise.
Another thing I've learned is that you can't run from your problems. You just can't move to the other side of the planet and expect things to magically improve. Often times, the issues are instead intensified because all of a sudden you not only have a clearer vision of your life, but you also become very stressed and have almost no support to deal with your issues. Moving away to run from your problems actually becomes a way of forcing you to confront your issues in a very extreme and stressful way. Whatever issues you have in your life seem to become much clearer when you are stressed out and alone. For that reason, this trip has been exactly what I needed at this point in my life. My last year in Columbus I felt listless, spiritually muddled, confused about my next step or direction, confused about my priorities, confused about my meaning. I have not answered all of these questions or resolved all these conflicts, but after the stress and loneliness of the big city, I have certainly conftonted these issues and am well on my way to coming to sensible conclusions.
So while I feel the draw to come back to the states to smell the soggy leafy fall air and to hear the sounds of the football games on Friday nights and to taste the first apple and pumpkin pies of the season, I know I need to be in Argentina longer to learn more, to be sure that the decisions I make for next year are objective, what I really need instead of being clouded by past issues or confused motivations. The most important thing for me to learn about here is what is important to me, what are my priorities, what do I need to be happy or content. Once I learn more about myself, I can make deliberate decisions to complement my true needs. Without this understanding, I will continue to find myself making decisions whose outcomes don't fulfill my life. With a better understanding, I hope to move towards a sense of inner peace and contentedness that will allow me to settle contedly into my 30s.
Monday, October 6, 2008
To Plan or Not to Plan
In Argentina, people consider me very organized, a planner. Here, I am one of the most punctual, future/goal oriented people that most of my Argentine friends know (And that's not always a compliment, it's actually more of a criticism, confusing and annoying to Argentines). In the United States, I'm not considered disorganized, but I'm certainly not the most organized nor am I the most goal oriented or punctual person. In fact, among the folks with whom I went through grad school, I was easily one of the least organized.
So, the context of our countries has a lot to do with who we are. A related example is that when I went to school in Bay Village, Ohio in first and second grades, I was placed in all average elementary school classes. I even remember thinking and accepting at that time that I was just average academically and that I should probably concentrate on some other facet of my life as a means of excelling.
Upon moving to North Canton, OH, I was placed in all of the advanced groups. Suddenly, because of a change in context, I had become smart. My identity shifted from a rough and tumble academically average kid to a more cerebral and precocious one, simply because my context changed and my sense of identity changed with it. In Buenos Aires, the same is currently taking place, but instead of turning into a more plan oriented person (As I have been reidentified by Argentines), I am deciding whether this is the best way to live my life. I am beginning to think that I am too organized, too plan and future oriented. I wonder if I have been making poor life decisions as a result of my planning a year or at least months in advance. Have I been locking myself into unnecesary decisions? Have I not been living in the moment or enjoying life as much as I might otherwise? What are the consequences of this way of doing things?
To begin to address this topic, I'd like to discuss why this difference between Argentines and people in the US might exist to the degree that it does.
In Argentina, there is some type of crisis,whether financial or governmental, about every 10 years. As a result, Argentines have had to become very adaptable people. Chronic inflation, the dirty war, military coupes, bank crises, the drastic devaluation of the peso, and coralitos have taught Argentines that putting too much confidence in future plans is not worth it since future crises are likely to destroy their plans. In response, Argentines have become expert at spontaneity, quick thinking, adaptability, making-do, being happy with what they have, living in the moment, and concentrating on things that really matter like family and friends. On the other side of the coin, many neglect the future, fail to plan ahead at all, place very little importance on the future, and let their emotions and feelings rule the moment (not to say that this doesn't occur in the U.S. perhaps for the same or different reasons).
There is some question as to whether the government and crises in AR have lead to the 'live in the moment' attitude of the people or whether the inherent culture and mentality of Argentines is simply reflected by their government- The chicken or egg argument. However it happened, Argentines don't spend much time looking to the future and they think it is weird and a bit unsettling and maybe even disagreeable that I do.
This cultural disconnect has shaken me and made me reconsider my planning habit.
I think it is part of the American dream to plan. We are culturally inundated with the idea that if you work hard enough, do what you're supposed to do, save for the future, invest, one day you will achieve the American Dream of economic prosperity. We are taught that we can do anything we want to if only we put our minds to it. Our society tells us that we must have goals and direction, that without them we are drifting like so much floatsam and jetsom, without real purpose and without motivation to jump through the many hoops that life puts before us.
Argentines respond to the above mentality with the question why? Why do you need economic prosperity and to why must you achieve concrete goals? What are they for? What purpose do they serve? What's the point?
Many would say that they have different types of goals such as 'to enjoy life', 'have fun', 'do what they want to do'. And when they tell me this, it makes me think....Why are my goals more concrete and material? My goals are more about specific achievements like publishing a book, learning fluent Spanish, starting a business, becoming a PhD, teaching at the college level. By contrast, Argentines seem to have goals that are more like guiding principles, but not concrete ends. Their goals can be achieved or completed every day. Mine require me to work for the future, to constantly look forward. Neither goal is better or worse I suppose, but their way of looking at life seems to be more liberating than mine. Mine traps me in a direction and disallows me from feeling contentedness until I complete my goals. Theirs allow continual enjoyment and contentedness.
And so, I am the uptight American while they are the free flowing liberated Latinos.
I wonder to what extent I do try to exert too much control over my life, to what extent I put too much pressure on myself, to what extent I don't allow myself to have fun and be happy. I wonder if the goals that I set keep me from being happier. I wonder if the goals I set disallow me from changing my mind depending on how I change day to day or what I feel from one day to another. But, I also wonder if my sense of committment to people and ideas is admirable. I wonder if one day I will receive an end reward that is much better than the momentary day to day pleasure of Argentines. I wonder if this same concept, this mentality has kept their country from pulling itself out of the constant morass in which it seems to be stuck. Is this the same reason why the United States has been by contrast successful and relatively stable, albeit neurotic and disconnected?
In the end, a simple maxim (while boring, overused, and wimpy)-moderation-is probably the best way to go. There is definitely something to be learned from the liberating live-in-the-moment mentality of Argentines. I could definitely benefit by liberating myself from my ambitions. After all, you can't necessarily justify denying yourself happiness all your life when you might not even complete your goal or if you're not enjoying the process of attaining it. I could benefit by a bit more spontaneity, accepting that it is ok to follow a feeling or passion as opposed to following a completely structured path toward a goal. The process must be enjoyable and goals don't always have to be concrete-they can also be about enjoying life and doing what feels good.
All that said, I think back to the famous psychological study....Preschool kids are presented with cookies. The teacher says that the students can have the cookies at the end of class. Some of the kids end up disregarding the teachers instructions and taking the cookies before the end of class. Another group of kids waits until the end of class to get their cookies, as instructed- a study in delayed gratification. The kids are followed as part of a longitudinal study and many years later as adults, their lives and habits are analyzed. The kids who couldn't delay gratification, who took the cookies before their time, were most more likely to be working low paying jobs, on public support, or even in jail. On the other hand, the kids who were able to delay gratification were more likely to be professionals: doctors, lawyers, teachers.
Returning to the idea of planning, I think I would like to live in a country that plans, that delays gratification (although I think the U.S. has recently been more lucky than it has forward looking) and call me uptight and repressed, but I also want to be and I suppose just am one of those kids who waits for the cookie. I have to say, though, that living in AR is making me consider the value of occassionally enjoying the reward before I'm supposed to....
So, the context of our countries has a lot to do with who we are. A related example is that when I went to school in Bay Village, Ohio in first and second grades, I was placed in all average elementary school classes. I even remember thinking and accepting at that time that I was just average academically and that I should probably concentrate on some other facet of my life as a means of excelling.
Upon moving to North Canton, OH, I was placed in all of the advanced groups. Suddenly, because of a change in context, I had become smart. My identity shifted from a rough and tumble academically average kid to a more cerebral and precocious one, simply because my context changed and my sense of identity changed with it. In Buenos Aires, the same is currently taking place, but instead of turning into a more plan oriented person (As I have been reidentified by Argentines), I am deciding whether this is the best way to live my life. I am beginning to think that I am too organized, too plan and future oriented. I wonder if I have been making poor life decisions as a result of my planning a year or at least months in advance. Have I been locking myself into unnecesary decisions? Have I not been living in the moment or enjoying life as much as I might otherwise? What are the consequences of this way of doing things?
To begin to address this topic, I'd like to discuss why this difference between Argentines and people in the US might exist to the degree that it does.
In Argentina, there is some type of crisis,whether financial or governmental, about every 10 years. As a result, Argentines have had to become very adaptable people. Chronic inflation, the dirty war, military coupes, bank crises, the drastic devaluation of the peso, and coralitos have taught Argentines that putting too much confidence in future plans is not worth it since future crises are likely to destroy their plans. In response, Argentines have become expert at spontaneity, quick thinking, adaptability, making-do, being happy with what they have, living in the moment, and concentrating on things that really matter like family and friends. On the other side of the coin, many neglect the future, fail to plan ahead at all, place very little importance on the future, and let their emotions and feelings rule the moment (not to say that this doesn't occur in the U.S. perhaps for the same or different reasons).
There is some question as to whether the government and crises in AR have lead to the 'live in the moment' attitude of the people or whether the inherent culture and mentality of Argentines is simply reflected by their government- The chicken or egg argument. However it happened, Argentines don't spend much time looking to the future and they think it is weird and a bit unsettling and maybe even disagreeable that I do.
This cultural disconnect has shaken me and made me reconsider my planning habit.
I think it is part of the American dream to plan. We are culturally inundated with the idea that if you work hard enough, do what you're supposed to do, save for the future, invest, one day you will achieve the American Dream of economic prosperity. We are taught that we can do anything we want to if only we put our minds to it. Our society tells us that we must have goals and direction, that without them we are drifting like so much floatsam and jetsom, without real purpose and without motivation to jump through the many hoops that life puts before us.
Argentines respond to the above mentality with the question why? Why do you need economic prosperity and to why must you achieve concrete goals? What are they for? What purpose do they serve? What's the point?
Many would say that they have different types of goals such as 'to enjoy life', 'have fun', 'do what they want to do'. And when they tell me this, it makes me think....Why are my goals more concrete and material? My goals are more about specific achievements like publishing a book, learning fluent Spanish, starting a business, becoming a PhD, teaching at the college level. By contrast, Argentines seem to have goals that are more like guiding principles, but not concrete ends. Their goals can be achieved or completed every day. Mine require me to work for the future, to constantly look forward. Neither goal is better or worse I suppose, but their way of looking at life seems to be more liberating than mine. Mine traps me in a direction and disallows me from feeling contentedness until I complete my goals. Theirs allow continual enjoyment and contentedness.
And so, I am the uptight American while they are the free flowing liberated Latinos.
I wonder to what extent I do try to exert too much control over my life, to what extent I put too much pressure on myself, to what extent I don't allow myself to have fun and be happy. I wonder if the goals that I set keep me from being happier. I wonder if the goals I set disallow me from changing my mind depending on how I change day to day or what I feel from one day to another. But, I also wonder if my sense of committment to people and ideas is admirable. I wonder if one day I will receive an end reward that is much better than the momentary day to day pleasure of Argentines. I wonder if this same concept, this mentality has kept their country from pulling itself out of the constant morass in which it seems to be stuck. Is this the same reason why the United States has been by contrast successful and relatively stable, albeit neurotic and disconnected?
In the end, a simple maxim (while boring, overused, and wimpy)-moderation-is probably the best way to go. There is definitely something to be learned from the liberating live-in-the-moment mentality of Argentines. I could definitely benefit by liberating myself from my ambitions. After all, you can't necessarily justify denying yourself happiness all your life when you might not even complete your goal or if you're not enjoying the process of attaining it. I could benefit by a bit more spontaneity, accepting that it is ok to follow a feeling or passion as opposed to following a completely structured path toward a goal. The process must be enjoyable and goals don't always have to be concrete-they can also be about enjoying life and doing what feels good.
All that said, I think back to the famous psychological study....Preschool kids are presented with cookies. The teacher says that the students can have the cookies at the end of class. Some of the kids end up disregarding the teachers instructions and taking the cookies before the end of class. Another group of kids waits until the end of class to get their cookies, as instructed- a study in delayed gratification. The kids are followed as part of a longitudinal study and many years later as adults, their lives and habits are analyzed. The kids who couldn't delay gratification, who took the cookies before their time, were most more likely to be working low paying jobs, on public support, or even in jail. On the other hand, the kids who were able to delay gratification were more likely to be professionals: doctors, lawyers, teachers.
Returning to the idea of planning, I think I would like to live in a country that plans, that delays gratification (although I think the U.S. has recently been more lucky than it has forward looking) and call me uptight and repressed, but I also want to be and I suppose just am one of those kids who waits for the cookie. I have to say, though, that living in AR is making me consider the value of occassionally enjoying the reward before I'm supposed to....
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Argentina Thoughts and Comparisons I
One thing that I've learned about myself is that despite my efforts at not acting like a money grubbing capitalist, I am at least a serious consumer. That is, I spend a lot of time shopping, looking for the best prices, and paying attention to service and business practices. I believe that these instincts have not only been ingrained in me by my family, but also by having been raised in the United States. We are quite obviously a nation of serious consumers. Many of us spend our lives shopping. We are experts at uncovering the best deals. Businesses live by the motto that the customer is always right. Add to this that all the businesses of the world are competing for our business and the result is that our populous has become a mass of super consumers with a huge sense of entitlement. Shift focus thousands of miles to the South beyond the equator and the picture changes substantially.
In Argentina, people are far less consumer oriented than in the US. In AR, convenience seems to be the most important factor to consumers. If they can have something delivered to them or if they only have to walk a block away, that is best. Consumers here aren't as obsessed with price comparisons and are less likely to travel long distances for quality, service, and price than in the US. Further, business owners cater less to consumers. Many businesses aren't concerned if they upset a consumer or if that consumer never returns to do business with them. That is, the idea of repeat business is mostly foreign to the average AR business owner or employee in a business. Instead, they are concerned with both maintaining a sense of control over the consumer and in the money they can make on a particular day, not in the future.
As a result, my sense of good business practice as well as consumer entitlement chafes against AR businesses daily. It is one of my most frustrating and continual forms of culture shock. Let me provide a few examples.....
1. Less than a block away from my apartment there is a locutorio or internet cafe and call center. In the past I used this business very regularly when my internet wasn't working or when I needed to make a phone call and didn't want to use my cell. It got to the point that I knew the guy operating the place and was there on a very regular basis. Regardless of the fact that I was a regular paying client, the operator of the locutorio always seemd annoyed that I was walking through the door to give him business.
One day, after weeks of using this locutorio consistently, I stopped in to call my internet service provider for the umpteenth time to have my internet connection corrected. In the middle of my call, the phone simply stopped working and I was cut off from the Fibertel technician with whom I was talking through my internet problem. I quickly told the operator of the locutorio who walked silently over to the phone, checked the connection and quickly concluded that the phones weren't working for whatever reason. At that point, I shrugged and got up and began to leave the store. Before I could make it out of the building, the operator had blocked the doorway and was demanding payment. I responded that I couldn't pay because I hadn't received a service. My short conversation was cut off and therefore there was no reason I should pay for that. The operator shot back that I had been on the phone for 4 minutes and that I had to pay for it. I responded that you can't charge customers if you aren't providing the full service for which they are paying. But the operator insisted that I pay. He would not be persuaded. I then resorted to another form of logic. Look, I said, I live close to here and I'm here many times per week. If you make me pay today, I will never come back and I will tell everyone I know to avoid this locutorio. I will instead go to the locutorio down the street and give them my business. The unchanged look on his face told me that he couldn't care less. He wanted his money right there and then. He was worried about the day, the moment, and not my future repeat business. Upon realizing that he was immune to my business lesson, I said, ok, I'll pay you this 50 centavos today, but I will never come back here again. This is unfair, bad business, and I will tell all of my friends in the neighborhood not to come here. In response, the operator practically shouted, it is fair!! He didn't care about the fact that he would lose my and perhaps others business. All he cared about was that I had called him unjust or unfair....
2. There is a green grocery right next to the front door of my apartment building. In the past, I used this fruit stand a few times per week. The prices were pretty good and it was oh so convenient. One day, however, I realized I was being charged significantly different prices for the same items I had paid less for the previous day. On top of that, there were no signs advertising prices.... so they could basically charge whatever they wanted. To make matters worse, the operator would not allow me to pay in bills but instead insisted that I pay with monedas or coins (there is a shortage of these in BA). Now, if I were this guy, the son of the owner, I would do everything I could to treat the people who lived right next to my fruit stand well. These are the people most likely to do business in my establishment. Instead, he was messing with me, kind of taking advantage of me to the point that I decided that I didn't want to deal with him again unless it was just so convenient that I couldn't avoid it. The fact is that there are at least 5 other places in a one block radius where I can get the same products. As a result, I have never been back to the fruit stand right next to the front door of my apartment and if I can help it, I won't return.
These are only two examples but I could go on and on and I haven't yet been here for 7 months total. Some folks here and among my family have suggested that at least here the small business owners have a sense of control over their clients instead of in the U.S. where most small businesses have been run out of town by Walmart and other super centers. And while I agree to some extent, my opinion is that you go into business mainly for one reason-to make money. So, if you are going to act as if you don't want money or aren't interested in concepts like repeat business, you shouldn't be in the business world. You should do something more idealistic like become a teacher or professor or nurse or doctor.. But if you really want to make money, then you should swallow your pride and adhere to good business practices so you can do as well as possible. Here, however, there are plenty of businesses that just aren't interested in treating consumers well, obtaining repeat business, having their businesses recommended to others, returning calls, providing good service, being polite, and at the end of the day, in making money. The attitude of these businesses is that you will do business on their terms or you can take a hike.
And many consumers here don't seem to demand to be treated well. They will continue to frequent stores and businesses near to them because they have accepted this type of attitude from business owners and because it is convenient. There isn't as great a sense of consumer entitlement or control here and as a result, consumers can only shrug their shoulders when they are mistreated. There seem to be very few opportunities for recourse to punish poor business practices and not enough people hold businesses accountable for their poor treatment for it to make a difference.
I will say, however, that those businesses here that do offer consistently low prices as well as good service and treatment are always busy. So, there are enough consumers here willing to go out of their way to get the best price, quality, and service. In my opinion, however, there are not enough consumers of this nature to ensure that businesses change their ways. The culture is still one of accepting mistreatment and not holding businesses accountable.
If you talk to Argentines who have never spent a significant amount of time in another country, they will almost without a doubt defend their country until their last breath. They don't like foreigners, especially folks from the states, talking badly about their country. They are very prideful and so when I bring up issues like this, I am met with defensivess and hurt feelings. However, if you talk to someone who has lived in the states for a significant period of time and who has another perspective and can be more objective, it is possible to have a more sincere and frank discussion of why these differences exist.
The boss of my English teaching gig is one such guy. He spent over a year going to high school in Orlando, Florida. Upon having the aforementioned discussion with him, he completely agreed and seemed relieved to have met someone else who understands this. He believes that this attitude stems from something larger and asserts that Argentines don't have a sense of investment in the future. He believes that most want to leave the country to go back to Europe from whence they came and so, on the whole, the culture has never focused on the future of Argentina, but is instead more concerned about the present. He told me that many Argentines see themselves as Italian or Spanish, but not as Argentine (despite their apparent fervent pride in their country). As a result, people are not willing to accept a sense of community or functional patriotism or nationalism or a sense of bettering the country or creating a future here so that their children and childrens' children have a future here. Instead, they are interested in the moment, a momentary gain, enough to get through the day, with the future always being about getting away from Argentina (whether consciously or subconsciously, whether they have actual plans or not). He believes that this lack of concern or investment in the future permeates all aspects of life in AR, from the way people drive on the streets, to the way they litter freely, to the way they conduct business and treat each other. It is a sense of continual frustration to him. He sighted for instance that as part of his translation business, he often receives work from both US and Argentine employers. He says that US employers always pay him because they want to have a long term business relationship and they value his good service. On the other hand, in AR, businesses are much more likely to pay him once, but never again, knowing that if they mistreat him, they can simply move on to the next translator with whom they will do the same thing. That is, they are not interested in treating other people fairly, but instead want a momentary profit and are not as concerned about maintaining a long term relationship.
Argentina's relationshp with national pride seems to be related mostly to soccer and other sports. People here speak badly to each other about the country but foreigners are prohibited from doing so. In that sense, the country is like an abusive father: You talk bad about him all the time, but if someone else says something bad, they can take a hike. By the same token, Argentine's don't seem terribly interested in changing their behavior. Right now, it is every man for himself. And if one person tries to start acting differently, they are taken advantage of by everyone else and so they learn that in order to survive, they must act hard as well. The challenge for me is to not change my own behavior in the face of all this. I would like to be able to continue trusting people and to accept my sense of the way in which businesses ought to treat their clients. Maybe I'm holding onto an unncessary sense of consumer entitlement, but for me, it just makes sense....
In Argentina, people are far less consumer oriented than in the US. In AR, convenience seems to be the most important factor to consumers. If they can have something delivered to them or if they only have to walk a block away, that is best. Consumers here aren't as obsessed with price comparisons and are less likely to travel long distances for quality, service, and price than in the US. Further, business owners cater less to consumers. Many businesses aren't concerned if they upset a consumer or if that consumer never returns to do business with them. That is, the idea of repeat business is mostly foreign to the average AR business owner or employee in a business. Instead, they are concerned with both maintaining a sense of control over the consumer and in the money they can make on a particular day, not in the future.
As a result, my sense of good business practice as well as consumer entitlement chafes against AR businesses daily. It is one of my most frustrating and continual forms of culture shock. Let me provide a few examples.....
1. Less than a block away from my apartment there is a locutorio or internet cafe and call center. In the past I used this business very regularly when my internet wasn't working or when I needed to make a phone call and didn't want to use my cell. It got to the point that I knew the guy operating the place and was there on a very regular basis. Regardless of the fact that I was a regular paying client, the operator of the locutorio always seemd annoyed that I was walking through the door to give him business.
One day, after weeks of using this locutorio consistently, I stopped in to call my internet service provider for the umpteenth time to have my internet connection corrected. In the middle of my call, the phone simply stopped working and I was cut off from the Fibertel technician with whom I was talking through my internet problem. I quickly told the operator of the locutorio who walked silently over to the phone, checked the connection and quickly concluded that the phones weren't working for whatever reason. At that point, I shrugged and got up and began to leave the store. Before I could make it out of the building, the operator had blocked the doorway and was demanding payment. I responded that I couldn't pay because I hadn't received a service. My short conversation was cut off and therefore there was no reason I should pay for that. The operator shot back that I had been on the phone for 4 minutes and that I had to pay for it. I responded that you can't charge customers if you aren't providing the full service for which they are paying. But the operator insisted that I pay. He would not be persuaded. I then resorted to another form of logic. Look, I said, I live close to here and I'm here many times per week. If you make me pay today, I will never come back and I will tell everyone I know to avoid this locutorio. I will instead go to the locutorio down the street and give them my business. The unchanged look on his face told me that he couldn't care less. He wanted his money right there and then. He was worried about the day, the moment, and not my future repeat business. Upon realizing that he was immune to my business lesson, I said, ok, I'll pay you this 50 centavos today, but I will never come back here again. This is unfair, bad business, and I will tell all of my friends in the neighborhood not to come here. In response, the operator practically shouted, it is fair!! He didn't care about the fact that he would lose my and perhaps others business. All he cared about was that I had called him unjust or unfair....
2. There is a green grocery right next to the front door of my apartment building. In the past, I used this fruit stand a few times per week. The prices were pretty good and it was oh so convenient. One day, however, I realized I was being charged significantly different prices for the same items I had paid less for the previous day. On top of that, there were no signs advertising prices.... so they could basically charge whatever they wanted. To make matters worse, the operator would not allow me to pay in bills but instead insisted that I pay with monedas or coins (there is a shortage of these in BA). Now, if I were this guy, the son of the owner, I would do everything I could to treat the people who lived right next to my fruit stand well. These are the people most likely to do business in my establishment. Instead, he was messing with me, kind of taking advantage of me to the point that I decided that I didn't want to deal with him again unless it was just so convenient that I couldn't avoid it. The fact is that there are at least 5 other places in a one block radius where I can get the same products. As a result, I have never been back to the fruit stand right next to the front door of my apartment and if I can help it, I won't return.
These are only two examples but I could go on and on and I haven't yet been here for 7 months total. Some folks here and among my family have suggested that at least here the small business owners have a sense of control over their clients instead of in the U.S. where most small businesses have been run out of town by Walmart and other super centers. And while I agree to some extent, my opinion is that you go into business mainly for one reason-to make money. So, if you are going to act as if you don't want money or aren't interested in concepts like repeat business, you shouldn't be in the business world. You should do something more idealistic like become a teacher or professor or nurse or doctor.. But if you really want to make money, then you should swallow your pride and adhere to good business practices so you can do as well as possible. Here, however, there are plenty of businesses that just aren't interested in treating consumers well, obtaining repeat business, having their businesses recommended to others, returning calls, providing good service, being polite, and at the end of the day, in making money. The attitude of these businesses is that you will do business on their terms or you can take a hike.
And many consumers here don't seem to demand to be treated well. They will continue to frequent stores and businesses near to them because they have accepted this type of attitude from business owners and because it is convenient. There isn't as great a sense of consumer entitlement or control here and as a result, consumers can only shrug their shoulders when they are mistreated. There seem to be very few opportunities for recourse to punish poor business practices and not enough people hold businesses accountable for their poor treatment for it to make a difference.
I will say, however, that those businesses here that do offer consistently low prices as well as good service and treatment are always busy. So, there are enough consumers here willing to go out of their way to get the best price, quality, and service. In my opinion, however, there are not enough consumers of this nature to ensure that businesses change their ways. The culture is still one of accepting mistreatment and not holding businesses accountable.
If you talk to Argentines who have never spent a significant amount of time in another country, they will almost without a doubt defend their country until their last breath. They don't like foreigners, especially folks from the states, talking badly about their country. They are very prideful and so when I bring up issues like this, I am met with defensivess and hurt feelings. However, if you talk to someone who has lived in the states for a significant period of time and who has another perspective and can be more objective, it is possible to have a more sincere and frank discussion of why these differences exist.
The boss of my English teaching gig is one such guy. He spent over a year going to high school in Orlando, Florida. Upon having the aforementioned discussion with him, he completely agreed and seemed relieved to have met someone else who understands this. He believes that this attitude stems from something larger and asserts that Argentines don't have a sense of investment in the future. He believes that most want to leave the country to go back to Europe from whence they came and so, on the whole, the culture has never focused on the future of Argentina, but is instead more concerned about the present. He told me that many Argentines see themselves as Italian or Spanish, but not as Argentine (despite their apparent fervent pride in their country). As a result, people are not willing to accept a sense of community or functional patriotism or nationalism or a sense of bettering the country or creating a future here so that their children and childrens' children have a future here. Instead, they are interested in the moment, a momentary gain, enough to get through the day, with the future always being about getting away from Argentina (whether consciously or subconsciously, whether they have actual plans or not). He believes that this lack of concern or investment in the future permeates all aspects of life in AR, from the way people drive on the streets, to the way they litter freely, to the way they conduct business and treat each other. It is a sense of continual frustration to him. He sighted for instance that as part of his translation business, he often receives work from both US and Argentine employers. He says that US employers always pay him because they want to have a long term business relationship and they value his good service. On the other hand, in AR, businesses are much more likely to pay him once, but never again, knowing that if they mistreat him, they can simply move on to the next translator with whom they will do the same thing. That is, they are not interested in treating other people fairly, but instead want a momentary profit and are not as concerned about maintaining a long term relationship.
Argentina's relationshp with national pride seems to be related mostly to soccer and other sports. People here speak badly to each other about the country but foreigners are prohibited from doing so. In that sense, the country is like an abusive father: You talk bad about him all the time, but if someone else says something bad, they can take a hike. By the same token, Argentine's don't seem terribly interested in changing their behavior. Right now, it is every man for himself. And if one person tries to start acting differently, they are taken advantage of by everyone else and so they learn that in order to survive, they must act hard as well. The challenge for me is to not change my own behavior in the face of all this. I would like to be able to continue trusting people and to accept my sense of the way in which businesses ought to treat their clients. Maybe I'm holding onto an unncessary sense of consumer entitlement, but for me, it just makes sense....
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