I'll begin by saying that Portenos (People from Buenos Aires) relate to Buenos Aires as an abusive father. It's ok for them to speak badly about it, but it angers them to no end to hear other people criticize the city. One of the first questions that you get from Argentines is, 'Do you like Buenos Aires?' or 'Do you like Argentina?' If you answer yes emphatically and then provide sincere reasons why, you have made a friend. Say no, and you have the opposite.
People from Buenos Aires want to hear, love to hear that you love the city. Why? I have a number of ideas or hypotheses, but can't be sure.
Nationalism and patriotism here do not extend much further than world cup, olympic, or barrio soccer. The vast majority of people have no faith in the government, don't trust elected leaders, and don't really believe that democracy works. How then or why would they have any pride in their country if they are unwilling to believe in their democracy? I'm guessing that most Argentines don't have any other choice than to live here (for financial, familial, and language barriers). And it must frustrate the heck out of them sometimes. But, if someone from another country tells them it's not bad, but instead great! Then it makes them feel better.
When Argentines hear that I am leaving come the summer of 2009, they get a hushed look on their faces, almost seem hurt or left behind or....they realize that I've realized what they figured out a long time ago: Buenos Aires can be a fun place, but in many ways it is a mess and not the healthiest way to live.
Telling a Porteno that you are going to leave is almost like telling a loved one that you are separating with them, leaving them alone to deal with 5 crazy kids, clean up a mess while you go back to an easier, more stable place. I believe that I have lost at least one conversation partner after trying to have a frank discussion with her about why I could never settle down in Buenos Aires. Even though my conversation partner had once lived in San Diego and readily admitted how much more stable it is in the states, she was still hurt by the idea that I was leaving and she tried hard to convince me to stay. I almost sensed a jealousy, as if she had wished that she too were still in the states or could return to live there or in Europe, some place where things were a bit more stable, predictable, comfortable. A place where she and her family could have more opportunity and at least feel a sense of control over their destiny.
I long to have frank discussions with Argentines about comparisons between here and the United States and other countries. With many folks, it is nearly impossible. I can make maybe one critical comment about Argentina in a conversation and must cut it off at that. Any more and I am met with sulleness or hurt feelings.
When the shoe is on the other foot, I have to admit not loving when people criticize the United States. However, I think I'm far better at being objective about my country. I'm not running for office. I feel no need to say I love my country. It's a pretty good place, but we've got a lot of work to do. We're the richest country on Earth and yet we haven't figured out how to care for our citizenry nor provide them with affordable higher education (Among a gazillion other issues these days). Sure, it's a stable place where the people tend to be good hearted and to care for one another but we've got a long way to go.
I do my best to accept criticism about the states, but also to help people from AR and other countries form an accurate picture of them. I'm more interested in searching out the truth than defending my country out of some type of functionless national pride. I think patriotism is better when it is critical. If you truly care about your country, you are critical of its weaknesses so you can get better. Nationalism without a critical edge favors a superficial sports team sort of pride as opposed to the confrontation of reality.
Returning to the idea of Portenos having no faith in their government, elected leaders, or democracy. I believe that this lack of faith in the country's leaders and the government in general translates into a general distrust of society and community as a whole. That is, Portenos as a culture, on the whole, don't believe in the idea of working together for the common good. As a result, it is every man for himself. Every family for theirselves. Want to help someone? Want to look out for people other than yourself or your family. That's nice....But you're weak, stupid, naieve. You won't last. Good luck. The predominant mentality here is that if you want to survive BA, you'd better wise up, Ojo, watch out for yourself because nobody else is going to watch out for you.
And that is why I say that there is a moral atheism in this city. An illness. It's as if people in the city don't see each other, like they are blind. They almost refuse to acknowledge that others exist. They have learned that they need to barrel through life and look out for number one, in spite of the other blobs of flesh and bone whom they pass everyday. The illness is a lack of feeling. A lack of responsibility for anyone else or their community. The lack of responsibility makes people think that not only is it acceptable for them to do what they have to do to survive, it is necessary and weak and stupid not to.
This Porteno big city attitude infects almost every area of life here. You see it in the dog poop littering the sidewalks and streets, the grafitti all over beautiful buildings, the taxi, bus, and regular drivers that would sooner kill you than slow down to allow you to walk across the street even when you have a walk signal. You see it when old ladies who could be your grandmother cut in front of you in line at the grocery store or when you try to swim laps at the pool and the guy behind you tries to swim past you and in the process crashes into someone else who is going the opposite direction and then proceeds to drive you into the lane marker and then doesn't even apologize. Breathless run on sentence, I know.
The thread in this story that you can follow again and again here is lack of concern for ones neighbor, lack of responsibility to others or the community. I have no responsibility to anyone. I can throw my cigarette wrapper on the ground without thinking twice. Not my problem. It doesn't matter if I flick my cigarette and it hits someone else-they don't exist to me.
Of course I am generalizing. Of course there are exceptions. Of course there are good people here. I feel bad writing this because I have so many good friends in this city. But the truth is...And I cannot sugarcoat it anymore. A moral illness exists in this city. I'm not sure if it's a top down governmental thing or whether it's a grassroots illness that has affected the government. In any case, it exists.
My greatest fear is that I will adapt to this lifestyle. Bucking this system, trying to care about people in spite of the prevailing culture makes you feel alone, stupid, taken advantage of. It's stressful. Not fun. But I refuse to change. I don't want to return to the states with an every man for himself mentality. To me, it's not worth living if you have to live that way to survive. It's soulless. I look forward to returning to a place where I don't feel foolish for caring about other people, for supporting a sense of community, a concern for my neighbor. I hope there is a place in the states where I will feel this. But while I'm here, I'll continue to battle against the prevailing culture.
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