Tantas Cosas

During down time in my class teaching the kids from San Francisco, I wrote out a list of things I have to do this weekend. The list is at least 15 items long and I know I will never complete it by the end of the weekend. Getting established in a new unfurnished apartment is at least a month long process, I'm coming to learn, especially when you arrive in a country with only two small bags and a backpack. Nevertheless, the basic bones of the place are quickly coming together. It's not a masterpiece by any measure, but my apartments never are. My sense is that one day I will likely be involved with a woman(I hope) who will make much of my interior design decisions for me and I will happily get out of the way. In the meantime, I'm not going to waste the money. That said, the apartment is comfortable enough, if lacking in style and continuity. I continue to find necessary kitchen supplies and have enjoyed the transition to cooking with a gas range. As I've mentioned before, the kitchen, above all, is clearly what's important to me.

Despite the seemingly unending quest to get settled, I have had time to ponder a few things. Like, what the heck am I doing here? I think it's a perfectly normal reaction to plopping down in the middle of South America for a year. Before I left, my reason for moving was more or less, because I feel like it. I'm young, single, and finally have some means to travel. Why not? My language will improve, I'll get a new cultural perspective, and I'll be challenged in all sorts of new and formative ways. These reasons still sound sufficient in themselves. Simple and easy. Relax, right and enjoy the year. But my mind and its motor keep digging, keep looking for more. There must be some other reason I'm down here, that this place drew me back from last summer, away from a great job and family, if only for a year.

Before I came down, I had thoughts of working in the business and/or real estate world in Buenos Aires. I wanted to try something different, to be sure that a life in education and or school psychology is right for me. I still might do this, but as I get settled, I've realized that I don't want to work a ton. I like having lots of free time and if I can live this way, why not? Granted, if I had a family and other obligations, I might suddenly feel more of an urge to get involved in a more lucrative job. But, as it's just me, I'm more interested now in getting settled, staying healthy, and returning to my self expressive/artistic side, something that has been dormant maybe since grad school. So, at least for now, my business world and/or money making desires are not so existent. I'm still interested in the stock market and personal investing, but sitting in an office all day does not appeal to me.

Tomorrow will mark three weeks in Buenos Aires. Three short weeks, but long enough to have a few revelations. The first of these, as mentioned, is that I'm not so interested in working in the business world here. On top of the aforementioned reasons, I'm learning that Argentina is wrought with bureaucracy. The significance of this in terms of getting involved in business is that I would have to waste vast swaths of time learning how to operate within this bureaucracy as well all of the frustration and continual culture shock that comes with it. At present, I don't have the motivation to endure this stress. I'm happy with my humble apartment and my stable financial state, not interested in more, at least here and now.

The following is a concrete example of bureaucracy in Argentina for those not already familiar with it. To pay bills, most Argentinians first have to wait in long lines to pull money out of the ATM machine and then find the bank with which a particular service(gas, electric, cable etc.) has an account, and then wait in at least a 30 minute line to deposit the cash into an account to pay the bill. This means that paying one bill can easily take 2 hours. 30 minutes to get to the bank, 15-30 minutes to wait in line for an ATM (If it's near the day when bills are due), 30 minutes to wait in line to pay the bill in the bank, and 30 minutes to return to your apartment. Very little here is done online or through checks and mail. There is a new system here called Pagofacil, which basically means pay easy. I have renamed it Pagodificil. The advantage of Pagofacil is that you can pay a number of your bills in one place instead of having to travel to different banks to do so. However, near pay day, the lines are long and you can easily wait up to 45 minutes in line (a way of life to Argentinians, but a major culture shock frustration to me who's used to paying all of my bills in 5 minutes flat online). Long lines seem to be a way of life here. Granted, part of it is living in a gigantic city. However, just as much is about a lack of technology, an inability to move forward to doing things in a different way, and an understandable lack of trust between banks and people and people and banks. For instance, a recent conversation with an Argentinian friend about the wonders of the online service paypal left her very skeptical about the safety of the system and uninterested in trying it. She's 20 years old. If 20 year olds in Argentina are afraid to use technology for monetary transactions, the future does not look bright for shorter lines.

There is however, a charm to this traditionalism. It takes me back to a time that I've never experienced and forces me to spend less time in front of a TV or computer and more among people, in the basic quest for survival. This is good for me. In Columbus, with my 5 or so jobs, I had given my self ample reasons not to leave my apartment when it wasn't necessary. I became a shell of myself, disinterested in interacting with people outside of the TV or computer. Buenos Aires doesn't allow that as much and with all of the cafes here, the opportunities for genuine interactions with friends are forever frothing up to your 7th floor apartment.

I've also gained the insight that Buenos Aires is likely to be a way stop for me to a sustainable, possibly long-term future... somewhere. Granted, I'm keeping the option open that I could wind up staying here for a long period of time. Who knows, I've only been here 3 weeks. I'm also keeping the option open that perhaps I'll want to live somewhere different each year for the next few years. Maybe Spain will sound good next year, China or Japan the next??!! However, the part of my brain that needs a long term plan, the part that knows me and knows what would be perfect for me says that I want to settle in a place next to the ocean with sun, sailing, bike paths in the roads, health food restaurants a plenty, incredible produce, mountains, culture, the opportunity to live and work comfortably as a bilingual school psychologist, and proximity to another country (for frequent trips and preferably Spanish speaking so that I can keep up). The question is, am I ready to settle right now? The answer is clearly no. When I left the U.S., I felt that anywhere in the U.S. was too boring and not challenging enough for me. I wanted to develop more, to learn more Spanish, to take a bigger leap back from my country, to recenter my life, consider my job and my priorities, to decide what I really want. In a sense, Buenos Aires will serve as a way to disassociate in a reflective way from my life while at the same time improving my Spanish and gaining new job experiences. This year is a luxury that I've allowed myself, but at the same time, it feels necessary. I think that many folks have families and work 30 or so years and then all of a sudden, it's over, like a being stuck in a washing machine for that amount of time and then being spit out at age 50 something to wonder what it was all about. In the absence of a family, I am taking the opportunity to reflect and refocus much earlier in the hopes that the years to come will be lived more deliberately with either a focus on settling down.....or not.